I Have Nothing Nice to Say About “The Life of a Showgirl”

If someone had told me at the beginning of this year that Addison Rae would release a better album than Taylor Swift, I probably would have taken a note from that Charli xcx song that pissed Taylor Swift off so badly and bought a gun.

Unfortunately, I actually don’t even feel that strongly over my own dislike of my favorite artist’s newest album. I really want to hate how much I hate this project. I want the same feeling I had when I first listened to Midnights and had to be talked off the ledge by my mom. From the moment she appeared on her boyfriend’s podcast to promote it, I had a very bad feeling about this album. Mostly, because I have a really bad feeling about Taylor Swift these days, anyway.

I’m really hating the part of me that wants to take this moment to assure you of my swiftie credentials. I majored in Speak Now at Fearless University. I am a three-time Eras Tour attendee, a fan since age ten. This is what she wants. Taylor Swift has created a fanbase so rabid and lacking in critical thought, that even when giving an ounce of criticism, people are expected to still prove their loyalty otherwise. Every slightly negative opinion must be cloaked in a promise that I really do love this woman I’ve never met in order to quiet the wrath of parasocial twitter-users who need a dictionary to know what “melancholy” means.

This unbridled adoration is one part of what has made The Life of a Showgirl so awful. Why bother making a good album if you don’t actually…